2014 will be and already is a year full of changes. I will be graduating (hopefully) and moving into the working world. My church isn't holding a church-wide summer camp, we've had them for around ten years now. I am the chair of the youth group at my church. The youth group's dynamics had changed drastically because a lot of people graduated and left. The church's dynamics has changed because there is a large new age group (~20).
I guess my focus is still on my church after all, most of my points are from there. My church is a big part of my life, maybe too big. Maybe I've lost sight of the bigger picture. Since I returned to Calgary, I feel like my focus has been too small, and I need to experience what other churches offer. Honestly, my spirit has been slowly dying for a while now. There has been small resurgences (summer camp), but I haven't been taking care of myself.
I guess with all the changes I have been very distracted. Writing cover letters and resumes takes me ages, but with zero call-back. It's probably because I submitted it at the last minute...Anyways, I hate trying to sell myself. It feels like I'm putting on an elaborate show, only to disappoint them with the real thing. I don't know where people pull their confidence from. I was once told that if I don't have the confidence, I should at least fake being confident. But I can't do it. I feel like a fake, and people will eventually see through that. I tried putting my confidence in God, but then I realized I had no idea what He wanted for me, and for all I know, I could be heading in the wrong direction.
For this reason, I have no idea why someone thought I could be chair of YAC. I don't know why I was picked to be on the YAC committee in the first place. I've been told it's because of my extensive knowledge of the Bible, but that isn't true now. I want to see YAC grow and become an amazing place where youth are free to be themselves, are free to seek/question God. Where they don't feel pressured to act a certain way. But how to get there? How to lead the rest of the team to be like this first? Judgement is rampant in the church, and mine is no exception.
If anyone is reading this, this is a plea for prayer. I can't continue on my own. I will go crazy. My perfectionist attitude only sees the flaws in everything; especially myself. I need to refocus on God
I guess my focus is still on my church after all, most of my points are from there. My church is a big part of my life, maybe too big. Maybe I've lost sight of the bigger picture. Since I returned to Calgary, I feel like my focus has been too small, and I need to experience what other churches offer. Honestly, my spirit has been slowly dying for a while now. There has been small resurgences (summer camp), but I haven't been taking care of myself.
I guess with all the changes I have been very distracted. Writing cover letters and resumes takes me ages, but with zero call-back. It's probably because I submitted it at the last minute...Anyways, I hate trying to sell myself. It feels like I'm putting on an elaborate show, only to disappoint them with the real thing. I don't know where people pull their confidence from. I was once told that if I don't have the confidence, I should at least fake being confident. But I can't do it. I feel like a fake, and people will eventually see through that. I tried putting my confidence in God, but then I realized I had no idea what He wanted for me, and for all I know, I could be heading in the wrong direction.
For this reason, I have no idea why someone thought I could be chair of YAC. I don't know why I was picked to be on the YAC committee in the first place. I've been told it's because of my extensive knowledge of the Bible, but that isn't true now. I want to see YAC grow and become an amazing place where youth are free to be themselves, are free to seek/question God. Where they don't feel pressured to act a certain way. But how to get there? How to lead the rest of the team to be like this first? Judgement is rampant in the church, and mine is no exception.
If anyone is reading this, this is a plea for prayer. I can't continue on my own. I will go crazy. My perfectionist attitude only sees the flaws in everything; especially myself. I need to refocus on God
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